The Secret to Letting Go

Letting go is hard, dude. The new-age wellness community loves to talk about it. Too much. I'm so tired of letting go platitudes. You know why?  Because telling people to let go of their past traumas / hang-ups / whatevers is just a veiled way of saying, "Get over it." 

If it were easy get over things and let them go, we'd all walk around like free little spirits all the time. We'd let go of the societal pressure of having a job and paying bills. We'd let go of how shitty that ex was and trust every new person we met with the most open of hearts. We'd let go of the fact that we don't look like that ideal or conform to that gender norm or whatever. 

I'm only on paragraph three of this blog and I'm already exhausted. I'm gonna cut to the chase here:

In my first term of school, I figured out the secret to letting go. Because I had to. Things were getting weird and I was getting overwhelmed. I was doing that thing where I was obsessing over getting over things and feeling bad because I wasn't then feeling bad that I was feeling bad. It was too much. Then I realized something. It's paradoxical and weird, but it works:

Let go of the idea that you have to let things go. 

You're in charge here, boss. If you want to freak out about every test, every bill, every shitty email, every passive aggressive glance, every thing you don't understand: DO IT. Go for it. Knock yourself out. Your body, your choice.

If you don't want to, then try as hard as you can to not. And know, deep down, that it might not work every time but that you're doing the best you can with the tools you have. And you know what? So is everyone else. 

Stop trivializing your own and other people's stuff. Your drama is your drama. Their drama is their drama. People will project their shit onto you all day long and it will be hard to let it go. Trust me, oh LORD, trust me, I know how this feels. But just try a little bit if you've got it in you. If you don't, fine! Get pissed and tell someone you trust. Or write a scathing letter that you never plan to send. Or confront the issue. Feel feelings!

Bypassing your pain and calling it 'letting go' is ineffective. If you're not some cave-dwelling monk who meditates 26 hours a day, you're probably just repressing it. And repressed stuff comes out eventually. It just comes out sideways and it hurts like hell. 

Tatum FjerstadComment